


Wit of the Staircase

by jesterlady



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s05e13 The Big Bang, Episode: s06e01 The Impossible Astronaut, F/M, Gen, Honeymoon, Humor, Mid-Canon, One Shot, Romance, Science Fiction, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-10
Updated: 2011-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-27 04:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor needs something to do while Amy and Rory are honeymooning and a call from Martha and Mickey is just the thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wit of the Staircase

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own DW. The title is from a French saying.  
> Spoilers up to 6x2 and SJA’s Death of the Doctor
> 
> I've only seen up to that point and I thought about what must have been happening with all the other companions while the universe exploded.

The Doctor was on his honeymoon. Wait – scratch that – Rory and Amy were on their honeymoon and he was sort of with them. Not like that. No, no, he stayed far away from all of that bit, all those things. That definitely was not what he was doing. But he had promised them a fantastic honeymoon and he needed to stay close by in case of emergencies. This left him with a lot of time to reflect on exactly why it was called a honeymoon when most of the normal activities – either the really loud, noisy kind that the Tardis never deigned to completely block out, or the touristy, sightseeing kind that was really just a normal part of their lives anyway – had nothing to do with honey or moons. It really was very perplexing. 

Really it was ridiculous for him to do this at all, but he'd definitely owed them a lot of lovely things for all the trouble it took for them to get to their wedding. 

“Two thousand bloody years, mate,” Rory had said and the Doctor had lightly tut-tutted him for his language and then set out to make their honeymoon the best thing in the galaxy.

He had tried. He'd pulled out every trick in the book. Unfortunately, the Christmas Eve incident had been only the first in many honeymoon attempts and poor Rory had been forced to display his Roman regalia in more public places than was really decent. Though the Doctor was really getting used to it. In fact, he thought Rory looked rather rubbish in normal clothes now. He’d told him so and all he'd gotten in return was a glare and a comment about chafing in uncomfortable places. The Doctor shied away from the topic after that, even if he kept his opinion about Rory being dashing in Roman clothes and only Roman clothes.

Still, they'd tried Italy and Spain and the Bahamas – Amy was always on about beaches for some reason – and Rio was the biggest disaster of all with a two ton lava monster trying to capture Amy as his own bride despite the obvious legal ramifications of her already being married. So they'd gone to other planets from Mindolosa 5 to the pleasure planets of Grindov and each time something had gone awry. 

Brooding about it in the console room with all that honeymoon noise echoing through the Tardis was about too much for him to take and the Doctor had finally decided that Rory was the only one who could take his bride on a proper honeymoon. So he’d waited until it was probably all clear – or as long as he could - and banged loudly on their bedroom door and announced he was taking them back home and they could go on their originally planned honeymoon and he'd be in touch.

It had worked marvelously and the Doctor deposited them in their new living room and advised them to be nice to their neighbors noise-wise and not to forget their passports.

“You're not traveling with psychic paper any longer down here.”

Amy had told him to shut up and get out and so he did and he went into the Tardis and tinkered around for awhile. After about an hour or two he heard a banging on the Tardis door and, really, who could do that in the Vortex?

“You're still in our living room, Doctor,” Amy said and he went and peeked his head out the door.

There stood Rory in proper Roman garb – really, he looked very nice – and Amy in...less than that.

“Right, sorry, leaving.”

The Doctor left immediately, put the Tardis in the Vortex properly, and went back to reflecting on honey and moons.

There was a strange ringing though and it was coming from somewhere in the console room and the Doctor pecked around a bit for it until he came up with a mobile phone. He recognized it, sort of, and he wondered where it had come from. Probably from his last body and had been in the pants he was wearing as he regenerated, otherwise it probably would have been lost to the recesses of the Tardis when she restored herself. He guessed he should probably answer it.

“Hello, the Doctor is in,” he said, grinning to himself.

“Doctor, why have I got two lifetime's worth of memories all of a sudden?”

Oh, oh, it was Martha. Oh, he remembered he liked her.

“My very lovely Doctor Jones! How are things? Tell me all about it. How's Mickey? Any little Jones-Smiths running around causing havoc? More importantly, have you de-braided your hair? Great to hear from you.”

“Doctor, have you-have you regenerated?”

“Who me? Oh yes. A little over a year ago for you, well, and me, well, and what time period are you calling from?”

“2010.”

“Oh yes, just a little over a year ago in Tardis time. Crash landed in London, completely wrecked the Tardis. Had a bit of a bother with getting the timing right because poor Amelia was all grown up into Amy – and I like Amy – but I liked Amelia, too. Oh, and Rory was there. Rory the Roman – though that part came much later.”

“Right...will you shut up a moment? I can see you're still quite the talker whatever else you may be.”

“Yes, um, talking, very much my thing. But I wear a bowtie now. Bowties are cool.”

“Doctor, do you think you could come here and figure out why I remember a history with no stars?”

“I could probably tell you now, but Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon – which, incidentally, did you know has nothing to do with honey or moons? Though you probably had one of your own, so you're an expert – and so I've got time. Tell me the date and time.”

“Let's see if you can get here,” Martha said wryly and hung up.

The mobile beeped with the information she'd texted over and he had a momentary flash of panic over seeing an old Companion - though it had been lovely seeing Sarah-Jane and Jo again during one of the many honeymoon attempts, even with those ridiculous undertakers faking his death – and then remembered how wonderful Martha Jones truly was.

He dematerialized beautifully and hopped out of the door only to find he was face to face with Mickey Smith.

There was an awkward moment or two – really, Mickey was always very awkward, on purpose, too – and then he smiled.

“Mickey, Mickey.”

“Hello, Doctor.”

They gave each other strapping hugs and all that and Mickey seemed very nice. Really, there had been a reason he was allowed on the Tardis.

“This is your third face, you're getting sloppy, mate.”

“Eleventh, Mickey. Now now, let's be accurate. And polite. Where's good old Martha? Er - remind me not to call her that to her face.”

Mickey shook his head and gestured over his shoulder.

“Waiting inside.”

They trudged in and Martha looked amazing and happy and that's all he'd ever wanted, really, so that was good.

“Doctor?” she queried a bit softly.

“Me. Me even better. I've got a bowtie now. Bow-”

“Come here, you,” she said.

Then he got to hug Martha – which was much nicer than hugging Mickey, Martha was so very nice – and then they all settled down with some tea and the Doctor found out there were no babies yet. Maybe in a year or two. They were both busy defending the Earth.

“That last time we saw you...” Martha said, letting the question ring in the air.

“Right, my last time. I was dying at the time, but, apparently so were you and we couldn't let that happen.” 

He smiled happily at them to show them there were no hard feelings.

Martha just looked at him a little sadly and he figured even though she didn't know him – not him as he now was – she was still his Doctor and he owed her a little something.

“I'm fine, Martha. It was a hard one – but luckily there were no pilot fish – and I found Amy and I like Amy and Rory and sometimes River tags along and there will be plenty of time for figuring that one out. They got married – Amy and Rory, not Rory and River or any other variant of that theme - and I danced at the wedding – didn't get an invite to yours, by the way – and a lot of things, oh, dark things, they seem very far away now. I'm still me, but I'm past...that.”

Martha smiled then and he liked her smiling so that was good.

“I'm glad, Doctor, and I don't even think you're lying trying to make me feel better. You seem to have gotten over that little habit.”

“What habit?”

“Evading difficult questions.”

“I see the de-braiding happened. I'm glad.”

“Not entirely then... So, sorry about the wedding. No one was invited actually. Very spur of the moment.”

She grinned at Mickey and he smiled slyly back and the Doctor really looked at them for a moment, because that...that he wouldn't have figured on. Ooh, but it worked and he was very happy for them. Companions very bright themselves no matter who else was in the Tardis and overshadowing them through no fault of their own.

“You...interesting things, you,” the Doctor said and slopped his tea back. It was very good tea, reminded him of some tea on Beliogo and that reminded him of why he was here. “Stars,” he blurted. “Let's have the story then.”

“We just both suddenly woke up and remembered whole other lives where there were no stars and dates were different and you weren't in them. We'd met totally randomly. No aliens.”

“It was weird,” Mickey said. “It was like flashing in our heads. Something entirely different. Like Rose and the other yous and the parallel world and reality breaking down never happened.”

“It did happen for you and me, just not in this version of the universe. I might have…sort of…had to reboot it.”

“Like a computer?” Mickey asked suspiciously.

“Like a bang. Very big, very exciting. The Tardis might have exploded a lot and canceled out the old one.”

“Might have?”

“All right, did. Very much did. But I was locked up and it wasn't my fault. The Pandorica-”

“Wait, that was something from the other life,” Martha said. “A box in the museum. It was legendary; I studied about it in school. There was some sort of Roman guarding it or something.”

“That'd be Rory. And he probably couldn't have cared less about the box. Very much about Amy though. The two are always snogging.”

“A married couple in the Tardis?” Martha said wonderingly with a bit of humor. “I like it.”

“Me too,” the Doctor said, because he really really did, should’ve done it ages ago. Maybe it would put people off snogging him.

“Back up to the universe rebooting,” Mickey said.

“I'll just scan you both,” the Doctor answered and pulled out the sonic. He scanned them both thoroughly to make sure they were not a. plastic or b. anything else or c. anomalies of any kind. “Nope, you're fine.”

“Could we not have been?” Mickey asked.

“The universe is a funny old place. Anything's possible. But the reason you both weren't automatically reset is because you've traveled in the Tardis with me. You're radiated, so to speak.”

“Like the background radiation that let me open the Genesis Ark?”

“Exactly, Mickey. Your brains and bodies have almost been...genetically altered and so you're a bit more adept at anomalies, like what happened to the universe. But again, it wasn't my fault.”

“Oh, take a rest, Doctor,” Mickey said. “We were just wondering if it meant something big. But it doesn't, so relax.”

“Oh yes, well, I think probably most of my Companions throughout the universe are dealing with the same thing. I'm actually surprised you're the first call I've received. But then nobody else has my number.”

“We'd get flashes, too,” Martha said, “in the other life. Of this one. And it wasn't right, somehow, without you.”

“Right you are,” the Doctor said, leaning forward and bopping her on the nose. At her look he apologized. “Sorry, I'm a bit...boppy in this body.”

“You're still the Doctor, my Doctor, no matter what body you're in.”

“That's the spirit, Martha. Now...are you both sure you've got what universe you're in straight? You're not flesh avatars, are you? I've heard some stories and recently I've begun to wonder about...never mind, well, great tea, this.”

Martha just shook her head at him and Mickey rolled his eyes. Absurdly perfect for each other these two. The Doctor was glad it had happened. He'd like to take credit, but he's not sure he can wrangle it logically. Maybe accidentally. But Amy and Rory have been turning him into a bit of a romantic matchmaker in his old age and he'd like to say he'd had a hand in these two as well. At least these two wouldn't keep bothering him with all their romance at critical points in...tinkering.

Speaking of Rory and Amy, surely they'd managed to tire themselves out of honeymooning by now. It'd been almost two months since he'd left them there – which, now that he thought about it, was actually very long for a honeymoon and Amy might be a bit angry with him when he got back – and he should go get them now.

“Right, well, sorry to dash and run, but unless there's a bit of an alien incursion or something?”

He asked a bit hopefully, he would like to save the world with these two again, a bit of old times and nostalgia and, yes, he was getting very old.

“Nothing we can't handle, Doctor,” Mickey said.

“Well, I'm only a phone call away. And I don't normally do that, you know. I don't go back. But I go back more now than I ever have. Met Sarah-Jane recently, love that son of hers, but he wasn't there. Just Clani, yes, I call them Clani now, too. Merging words is cool. Surely you know Clani?”

“We might have heard Luke mention them a time or two,” Martha said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

He captured her hand in his and held it while he said his goodbyes.

“Goodbye, Mickey Smith, take care of her now. She deserves it.”

“You don't have to tell me,” Mickey said, slipping an arm around Martha's shoulders.

The Doctor beamed at them.

“Perfect couple. I'm good at that.”

He had decided, after all, to take credit.

Martha grabbed a hold of him and squeezed him tightly and he squeezed her back. A perfect Martha hug. 

“Goodbye, Doctor, be careful. Stay in touch if you can.”

“And you, too. I won't throw the mobile out or anything.”

“Good,” she said and kissed his cheek.

She stepped back and the Doctor stepped backward into the Tardis, clicking his fingers so that it opened. He was rather fond of doing that since the library.

Yes, that encounter had been very good for him and just the thing to alleviate the boredom while he waited for Rory and Amy to get done snogging – though he very much doubted that would ever happen – and they could get on with life.

He was just about to dematerialize when there was a bright blue bang and something appeared on the console. What was this? A letter. A bright blue, Tardis letter, all sorts of wonderful stamps and things on it. A great big number one on it. It had directions – ooh, that was interesting – and now there was no time for Amy and Rory, he'd let them honeymoon a little longer.

As for this diner, he remembered he'd probably want his special straw.

Except Amy and Rory were already there and so was River and there were very interesting things going on and they met Canton and everyone was hiding something from him – they were very rude – and Amy seemed almost frightened. Of course, then the Silence came and Rory put on some very interesting glasses that weren't nearly as cool as his Roman gear and they started a revolution and really, it was all a lot of fun.

Plus, it turned out he didn't have to go back and get them, because they were already there and that was very convenient. That girl still intrigued him, very much so – there was the matter of Amy - but right now he wanted a bit of a light-hearted adventure.

“How was the honeymoon?” he asked as they rocketed about.

“Boring,” they both said in unison.

“Don't get me wrong,” Rory said, “I loved it. It was amazing and I'm glad we actually got to use our own since I'd already paid for it but after about two weeks, there was only so much to do.”

“Absolutely,” Amy agreed. “I need both my boys for a bit of spicing up.”

“There was plenty of spice,” Rory murmured and the Doctor's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline which was an incredible feat for him considering how very big his forehead was.

“Quiet, you,” Amy said and then whispered something in his ear that the Doctor wished he had not heard.

Rory seemed to like it though because he blushed and the Doctor tried very hard to think about other things and that reminded him of how he'd decided to take Rory somewhere where he could really be Roman and perhaps after that he could take Rory and Amy to meet Martha and Mickey and they could all do a couple's night or something. Very romantic in his old age, but he was not going to invite River. Absolutely not. Right, Romanic Galaxy it was.

“Right,” he said, clapping his hands together and rubbing, “right, I've got an idea. Rory, it's time to show the world just how dashing that cape really is.”

Amy looked very happy with the idea and Rory seemed to sag a little, and then straightened his shoulders.

“You two are going to be the death of me. Again.”

“Nonsense,” the Doctor said and started switching levers while Amy kissed him. Rory, not him. Amy didn’t kiss him like that. Well, except the once. But he’d fixed that problem. “Now, let's get real Roman.”

And that was the end of the Doctor's honeymoon.


End file.
